anxiety, autism, dance, depression, diet, excercise, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, parenting, post natal depression, special needs, wellbeing

My postnatal depression story

I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I have trouble remembering the first two years of my sons life. I can not tell you at what age he got his first tooth, his favourite food as a baby, his first word or when he began to sleep through the night.  I’m not even sure of what age he took his first steps.

My second child, I can tell you all her milestones. I think that’s mainly due to the amount of times I’ve had to go over them with paediatricians, therapists, doctors. She has autism, and was finally diagnosed at age six just last year.

My youngest,  Emily. I know all her firsts. Mainly because I was extra vigilant looking out for any red flags we had with my eldest daughter.

Each pregnancy was different. All had the usual sickness and discomfort.  But my third pregnancy, I just wasn’t feeling those feelings you associate with pregnancy. The excitement,  the happiness, the eagerness. I didn’t really feel anything.

I brought my feelings (or lack of) up with my midwife whilst getting my bloods done. I was assured it was perfectly normal , due to hormones and it would all settle down probably by my next appointment.

Only it didn’t.  I didn’t take joy in shopping for baby clothes, I was in no rush to pack my hospital bag, I just wasn’t feeling it. I was emotionless.

I booked a 3D scan around the 32 week mark, hoping that would make everything feel more real, I don’t think it did. It was a wonderful experience, of course it was, but the sadness continued.

The years which followed my daughters birth in September 2011 were dark, very dark. I was dealing with the likelihood of my oldest daughter having autism, which was causing stress along with that lingering feeling of worthlessness. But before even falling pregnant with my daughter, I was dealing with body image issues. I hated my appearance to the point it was affecting my everyday life. These feelings got worse. I’d stay home all day unable to face the world, or I’d only leave the house when it was dark. I’d avoid mirrors and my reflection in windows. I’d panic if we had a party or wedding to go to. I hide away in the toilets to avoid any social interaction.  And my heart would pound and my  head spin if I saw anyone with a camera.

I’d apologise to my children, as small as they were and unable to understand, for being a useless mother. I’d tell them I loved them as the tears rolled down my face, and that I was doing my best. I’d ask my husband why he was with me and give him the option to leave, which always left him gobsmacked and confused.

I’d go to bed each night and secretly wish I wouldn’t wake up. I’d have dreams of living a life where I am happy and have friends around me, and wake up devastated when I realised they were just that. A dream

My husband found me a video on Youtube about the ‘Black dog’, and asked me to watch it. I did. I broke down and he told me to get help.

I went to my GP, told her my feelings and filled in a questionnaire. From that she gathered I had depression and extreme anxiety. I was referred to the Mental Health Team. Again. I was already in therapy before falling pregnant with Emily dealing with body image issues. Hence my panic when faced with the prospect of having my photo taken. I was a mess. An absolute broken mess

That was September 2013. From then on I had fortnightly visits from my Health Visitor. She didn’t come to pry or check up on me. She came to lend and ear aswell as advice and support, and I thanked her for that.

October 2013 I began attending well-being courses. I picked up techniques to deal with stress, become assertive and gain confidence.

Summer 2014 I had my first appointment with I think it was a life coach. She pretty much assessed me to see if she could help. She couldn’t. My condition was too extreme.  I was then referred to a clinical psychologist. Again

I met with my therapist every two weeks and I think I had around 10 sessions before I decided I felt ready to face the world alone once again.

I learned through these sessions I was suffering with post-natal depression, and that the depression had even grown DURING pregnancy. I found out through a quick glance at my notes at the doctors surgery as they came up on the computer screen during an appointment, that  I had been suffering with PND after the birth of my second child. I found out through a letter sent to my doctors and a copy to sent to me, that I’d even been suffering with PND after the birth of my first child way back in 1999. I had my son at 21 so I’d spent most of my adult life with depression. I genuinely thought I was just useless, unlikable, disgusting. I was non of those. I was depressed.

PND took away my memories of my first child growing from baby to toddler, it kept me indoors, it filled me with fear, took away my self-esteem and stripped me of my confidence

When the therapy ended, I took up blogging. I decided to chase my dreams and enrolled on a distance learning course. This both occupied my mind and my confidence began to grow. I‘ve taken up exercise, and spend most days either in a gym or an exercise class. I’ve made new friends. I even spend two hours on a Sunday night as part of a team for a local radio station. I’m still building up my confidence to become more involved, but I know I will. I know I can do it. I can do anything if I continue to believe in myself.

Over the months I’ve thrown myself into situations I would usually avoid. I’ve done things I could never imagine doing and I am in a place now where I have never been in before. A very good place and although I am an anxious person by nature, I have my anxiety under control and I will never let depression take over my life or steal my memories again.

anxiety, dance, depression, excercise, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, wellbeing

What happened since my last blog..

So my last blog was an update of how my life has changed in a year since deciding to make a bit of a lifestyle change. I always planned to write it, but I didn’t actually sit down and plan what to write. I just knocked it up in about half an hour off the top of my head. I wrote a quick update and didn’t really think much of it. I actually thought ‘who even cares’?

But after I wrote it, and noticed people were actually reading, and sharing it, I felt kind of weird. I think it then sunk in that I’ve talked openly about my difficult times for a while now and I’ve done it not only for me, but for other people too. Right now, as I write this I’m still feeling like I’ve been given this thing called life and I’m still getting used to it. It’s like I’m adapting to freedom.

So, I feel I’m at the point now where I want to do a little bit more than just blog (although I’m know I’m not very consistent with that). Now I want to actually be there to help anyone who can relate to the feelings I talk about.

I want to offer hope, and encouragement and if I could help change someone, even just one person – to pull them out of that black hole I spent way too long in, that would be freaking amazing.

So, I want to reach out to as many people as possible living with mental illness and tell them YOU CAN BEAT IT. I know you can. Everyone can. I’m proof you can.

There are so many women who look in the mirror like I did and hate every single bit of what they see. Who believe they aren’t attractive because they have a tummy, or they have ‘cellulite’. I want to make them change their thoughts and understand that you ARE beautiful.

There are full-time mums sat at home with children all day who feel they’ve lost their sense of identity. Who feel they’re ‘just a wife and mum’. You aren’t. You’re more than that. You just need reminding

I want to find the women who struggle with anxiety. The ones who really want to go along to something new, but don’t yet have the courage to go it alone. And tell them to just bloody well go for it

I want to find the women who are experiencing loneliness, and bring them together. It is to me, the worst feeling in the world. Loneliness IS a soul destroyer.

I want to find the women who feel they want to improve their health and join a class or gym, but are hesitant that they ‘won’t fit in’, or worry they will ‘feel silly’, or even just don’t have anyone to go with. I want to tell them to forget all that and again, just GO FOR IT. Do it. Do it today (or tomorrow depending on what time I press the ‘publish’ button on this)

If I can reach out to anyone who lives near me, I’d happily accompany someone who wants to give the gym a go but has no one to go with. Or even bring them along to a class with me one night. I’d even pay for them because I personally believe that exercise is the answer to fighting anxiety and depression. I feel like exercise is what’s ‘found’ me. It’s the music, the dancing, the other girls, that feeling of just letting go for a while. It has given me a total mindset makeover.

I’ve actually found it better to go along to classess on my own. That way over time you find yourself chatting to the other girls rather than whoever you’ve gone along with and there is so much potential to make some amazing friends. I know this

And how do I plan to do this? Over the next few days I’m aiming to set myself the task of setting up a Facebook page aimed at women who can relate to any of the above together and we can all kick depression/anxiety/insecurities/lonliness  in the ass.

I want to do it because I mentioned the idea to my hubby and he keeps telling me to go for it and asking what’s holding me back (that would be the tiny bit of anxiety I do still have). Friends I’ve spoke to it about have been encouraging, and I’m experiencing that thing where everything around you seems to remind you of that something which you keep thinking about.

Every single person on this earth has so much potential, and so many reason to be happy. We just lose our vision sometimes and need a little help, encouragement and guidance to find that key which will unlock it. And when you do, life becomes just truely awesome.

 

 

anxiety, clean 9, dance, depression, diet, excercise, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, wellbeing

Making a lifestyle change – two years on

On National Fitness Day September 2015, I  blogged about the affects a lifestyle change was having on me. That was 4 months into the decision to try and change my life.

It’s now two years since I decided to make the change and live a healthier lifestyle, and thought I might give a little update.

Going back just over 2 years ago, I was in a very dark place. I had zero confidence – to the extent that some days, I even avoided leaving the house. I had really low self-esteem and a negative body image. I hated my appearance so much I ended up having weekly appointments with a Clinical Psychologist for CBT. That was way back in 2011, and what I believed was my last resort and attempt to break free from this awful feeling which was both ruling and ruining my life. However, 10 weeks in, the treatment was proving unsuccessful as I was making no progress, so the sessions came to an end.

My days were spent at home on my own. Just me and my youngest daughter. I couldn’t face taking her to soft play like other mums. I couldn’t handle the social anxiety I’d feel in toddler groups. I’d spend my days on my own.  The only people I would see week in week out was either family members, or my hubby. They were my only source of adult conversation, not that i had any conversation. I mean what can you talk about when you’re sat in your living room all day with a toddler.

I felt lost. I was lost. I didn’t know who I was, what I liked/disliked, or why I was even here. I felt empty, I felt drained and in pain. Mental pain

Then on Facebook I just happened to see something about a dance fitness class about to start in the area. I’d already heard about the new fitness trend and I was actually on the mailing list for one class, meaning I would get an email once a place in the became available. But every time I got that email, I made an excuse to myself why I couldn’t go. But this time, as nervous as I felt, I decided to go along to this new class and give it a try. I had absolutely no idea that by just making that small move, I was about to change my whole life.

Over the next few months I progressed from one class, to two and by august 2015, I was attending all 4 classes a week. In addition to that, I’d also started training once a week with a PT I’d had recommended to me. I’ve since had to stop the PT sessions for the moment, but go to the local gym two or sometimes three times a week.

I went along to the first class thinking I might drop a few dress sizes, since that’s what working out is all about, right? Obviously my body has changed shape, I’ve lost weight and I am stronger, both mentally and physically, but I don’ want to highlight the physical changes, I want to stress the mental changes.

Over the last two years my confidence has gradually grown. I’ve done things I never thought I could do. If I want to do something, anything, there’s no thinking about what could go wrong, or doubting myself. I just go for it.

I can’t even remember the last time i felt ‘depressed’. I may have had a few bad days, who doesn’t? But the depression, those horrible dark days where I just did not want to get out of bed in the morning, they’ve gone. The anxiety, the inability to even some days go shopping as I just didn’t want anyone to even look at me, that’s gone too. The massive void I had in my life where most people have friends, that’s been filled. I have made so many friends throught Clubbercise, and as new girls come to class, I’m making more all the time. And our friendships don’t just stay within the classes. We see each other quite often. We go out for lunch, we’re in contact via messenger, I spend days during school holidays with Melanie (our instuctor) and we go out with our children, we go to each others houses, we have nights out. I can safely say these girls have been my saviour

By making that small but to me brave decision to go along to a fitness class a year ago, my whole life has completely changed and I now I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

 

 

 

clean 9, depression, diet, excercise, forever living, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, wellbeing

Diet Review – Clean 9

BY LOUISE SHARP | July 14, 2015

We’re a nation obsessed with losing weight, but slimming is not an easy task for most. Last year it was all about juicing and the Paleo Diet, but figures released by Google at the end of 2014 show that the most searched diet of 2014 was Clean 9. Created by Forever Living, who amazingly enough don’t advertise their products but rather rely up word of mouth, this diet claims that you can loose up to 12lb in just 9 days.

Following a proven step-by-step plan called Forever Fit, which is an advanced nutritional, cleaning and weight management program, Clean 9 is designed to make you look and feel better. The Forever Fit plan starts with C9. The premise of Clean 9 is that it will help you begin to remove stored toxins from your body and feel lighter and more energised. Then it is followed by Fit 1 and Fit 2, which concentrates on sustaining weight loss and toning up.

Clean 9 involves taking a small variety of products supplied in the pack, along with an eating and exercise plan. It works with a combination of the effects of cleansing the body by drinking aloe vera gel, taking supplements like garcinia and forever therm which boosts the metabolism, and drinking a meal replacement shake.

The first two days will involve putting nothing into your body other than the products which are in the pack. However, there is a long list of GI free fruit and vegetables which can be eaten if necessary. Days 1 and 2 are aimed at resetting the body and mind and purging toxins. During days 3 to 9, one 600/800 calorie (women/men) meal a day is introduced for lunch or dinner, alongside the shakes and supplements.

So that’s what Clean 9 entails, and I decided to try it out for myself.

Most people weigh themselves before the detox, and take measurements.  However, I chose not to do this for a couple of reasons, which others may find strange and I appreciate that. Primarily, I wasn’t doing Clean 9 to lose weight; I was doing it to kick-start the healthy lifestyle I’ve wanted for so long, but always sabotaged within a couple of days with some kind of sugary snack. I wanted to have nothing but positives to report about the Cleanse. I was worried that if by day 9 I had only lost as little as 2lb, I would feel my efforts had been wasted and dwell on that rather than focus on the positive benefits of the cleanse.

The other reason is that I threw the bathroom scales out a few years ago after finding myself up in the night checking my weight, as well as several times during the day. I do want to lose weight. I want to finally say goodbye to the extra pounds I gained whilst pregnant with my youngest 4 years ago, and I’m hoping this will change my relationship with food and get me on the right path to feeling comfortable and happy with myself as I once did.

I planned exactly when to start the Cleanse. I wanted to do it during a time without any temptations. I had a weekend away planned, followed by family visiting. I knew there would be high calorie food and the odd glass of wine during those occasions that I wanted to partake in, so I chose the monday after as my starting point.

The sunday before the cleanse I made the most of eating whatever I liked, so I went out for a carvery, followed by a big slab of chocolate cake. I wanted that full feeling, the feeling when you’ve eaten more than you needed to and I wanted to remember it and how awful and unnecessary it can feel.

I really thought I would struggle on days 1 and 2. But I’m surprised to say that I didn’t actually feel hungry over the first two days at all. Breakfast was two capsules of Aloe Gel, which doesn’t taste pleasant. However, by day two I’d worked out a technique of doing the two shots of gel first, whilst holding my nose, followed by the two gel tablets and therm tablet. This way I could completely avoid the taste. But to be honest, by day 4 I wasn’t bothered by the gel at all. I was already feeling the benefits and they were worth the unpleasant taste.

On the first day I mixed the chocolate shake with water. I didn’t enjoy this at all, so switched to either rice or soy milk for the remainder of the cleanse, which gave it a much more enjoyable and palatable taste. I also gave it a good shake which made it quite frothy, and more like a McDonald’s milkshake and who doesn’t like a McDonald’s milkshake?

On day three I felt quite proud of myself for getting through the notoriously known hardest part of the diet, and really looked forward to my 600 calorie meal that night. I put a lot of thought into what to make, and went with chicken wholemeal wraps, with peppers, onions, lettuce, cucumber, a homemade salsa, and sour cream. On that same night, my daughter had two friends come for tea and I actually had no problem at all resisting the cake and crisps I had laid out for their tea party. I was also already starting to find that my clothes were starting to feel loose, and my skin looked much brighter and healthier than usual.

By day 5 I started to wish I had noted weight and measurements. My clothes were again feeling looser, and I was feeling more energetic by the day. I was also finding that at dinner time, I was feeling really full after my evening meal, even though my portions were much smaller than what I would have served before the cleanse.

On day 6 I tried on a maxi dress I didn’t anticipate wearing this summer and it fit. I also tried on a short, colourful cropped cardigan, which I had bought a few weeks earlier without trying on in the shop, got home and realised it was at least a size too small and surprisingly, that fit too. It was a Saturday and usually a takeaway night. I made a whole wheat noodles, chili and ginger salmon and prawns, steamed carrots, peppers and pak choi, which I enjoyed much more than the usual Singapore noodles, lemon chicken, fried rice, curry and chips.

Then day 7 arrived and I realised that shakes for breakfast were starting to feel routine now. I was actually really enjoying them, but not so much for lunch; I was longing for a healthy wrap of some sort. I also noticed the shakes were starting to taste slightly sweeter. With not eating chocolate for a whole week now, I was really starting to taste the natural sweetness in foods.

By this point, each morning I was filling my water bottle and putting an apple and banana in my bag to take out with me in the morning, without giving it any thought. With just two days to go, I felt like this was becoming a lifestyle which I was more than happy with to adopt.

On day 8 I’d expected to feel really excited about reaching the end of my cleanse, only I wasn’t. What was once the dreaded aloe gel in the morning had now become my routine and drinking it no longer phased me. Taking the daily supplements (8 tablets a day), were never a problem. Meal times were what they were before the detox, I never eat processed food or ready meals, but my downfall was often tucking into a couple of doughnuts whilst cooking a healthy meal.

When day 9 arrived I woke up feeling a massive sense of achievement. I had stuck to the cleanse and done everything by the book, even measuring quantities of rice to go with a delicious red Thai curry I’d made. I really enjoyed my first lunch in 9 days – two wholemeal pittas filled with prawns and salad that replaced the chocolate shake.

I felt the most energetic I had in a very long time. My mood felt uplifted throughout the whole 9 days, my skin was clearer than ever and my hair thick and bouncy. At no point did I ever experience hunger other than the normal hunger you might feel as lunch or dinner time approaches. I had no negative side effects what so ever.

I really wished I had taken note of my weight and measurements, as I would say in 9 days I felt like I must have lost near a stone. The differences were very noticeable. Some of my clothes were almost too big, and some fit much more comfortably and some I thought I wouldn’t be wearing this summer, now fit.

Today it’s a week since I completed the cleanse and I can proudly say I haven’t gone back to my old ways; I haven’t eaten any chocolate or biscuits, although I do admit I have had a handful of crisps and literally 5 Haribo hearts. But I’m not thinking about cakes, I have no interest in chocolate, and snacks are now fruit or a handful of nuts. My meals are still completely clean, and the portion sizes remain what they should ideally be.

I’m actually missing the aloe gel in the morning, so much that I may invest in some. I enjoyed the feeling of knowing I’m putting something good into my body each morning. My daily water intake has increased. I realise now how dehydrated I was before the cleanse and it showed in my skin. I exercise each day with a long walk in the morning and a Clubbercise class on a Friday night, I also plan to do another class during the week.

I will definitely be investing in another Clean 9, possibly in January next year as I do plan to have a small indulgence over Christmas. If anyone is thinking about doing the cleanse, stop thinking about it and just do it. It may be pricey at £116, but it is worth every penny.

It claims to be lifestyle changing, but if you’re like me and constantly battling with your weight and yo-yo dieting – which in turn affects your mood – it could be life changing.

(Origionally published on Cultnoise Magazine – currently under reconstruction)

https://www.facebook.com/cultnoise

anxiety, diet, excercise, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, parenting

Man Down

Things have been a little bit hectic since my last blog. My hubby has been poorly and a trip to his doctors Thursday morning led to an overnight stay in hospital, and an emergency op that night. I had to stay at home with the kids so I had a really anxious day waiting for news. He went straight to the hospital from the doctors with a very low phone battery and no charger. Meaning contact was going to be very brief. Until a nurse realised the situation Friday morning and kindly gave him a charger.

So I spent two days last week at home on my own with the kids. Feeling very worried and stressed. I didn’t really eat anything for those two days. Being anxious I had no appetite at all.

But he’s recovering really well and feeling much better now, but will be off work for a few weeks unfortunately, due to the nature of his job.

We obviously missed a PT session, and I couldn’t go my Thursday Clubbercise double. However, I did make it Friday night. I needed that hour and as it was a later class. the kids were ready for bed when I left so it was no problem for Andrew. I was able to go Sunday morning, too. I’m not sure how much the class did for me physically as my head wasn’t really with it and I don’t feel I put my all into the routines, but it definitely helped relieved some of the anxiety.

So, whilst Andrew recovers, there will be no gym for at least 4 weeks. I know I could go alone, but he’s my training partner and it doesn’t feel the same without him. And with him being off work we need to cut back on spending for a bit. Obviously I’m still going to be going to Clubbercise. I don’t just go to burn calories, I go for fun and I need that. It’s my sanity (and social life).

This last week has really got me thinking about the importance of being in good health. I was worried sick when Andrew told me he would be put under a general anesthetic during surgery. Obviously any medical procedure carries a risk, but luckily he had the fact he is well within the healthy BMI range, physically fit, and a non smoker or drinker on his side. Had he been overweight, unfit, a heavy drinker and smoker, he would have been at major risk of complications during surgery and be looking at a much longer recovery period

With all this in mind, my ‘diet’ this week has became even stricter. I feel my focus is less about the outside and more about the inside. I’m far more concerned about my health than my appearance now. I don’t want to be at risk of any kind of illness or conditions now or in the future. I want to be in the best physical health I can be for my children, and my husband.

I’m now making extra effort to make every single meal from scratch. No cereal for breakfast, no bread, no convenience cold pasta meals picked up for lunch time from the supermarket. I’ve spent so many hours in the kitchen this week, making and preparing meals.

An average day now consists of eggs, scrambled or poached, wholewheat pasta, chicken (even to snack on), protein shakes if I’m struggling for protein or after exercise, fresh fish, brown rice, veg, lots of veg.

pasta

chicken

 

salmon

But NO shop bought ‘healthy’ snacks. You know the kind. The ‘low fat’ crisps, biscuits, cakes. No justifying a bar of chocolate with ‘I’ve done 4 hours exercise this week’.

I made chocolate protein brownies today. They didn’t turn much like brownies. I think I may have followed the recipe wrong and they turned out slightly too gooey to turn into anything other than a splodge. But a chocolate splodge. A really tasty chocolate splodge.

mix

splodge

So after my many failed attempts of a diet, I know I have got this now. My aim isn’t to ‘look good for summer’. It’s to be healthy all year round and for the rest of my life

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clean 9, dance, diet, excercise, forever living, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, wellbeing

Day 9 – Clean 9

Done it!

Literally done everything as instructed, for the last 9 days, even weighing chicken, checking calories per pitta bread today, and serving the recommended quantity of rice (3/4 cup, cooked), rather than just piling as much as I want on the plate.

I had my first lunch in 9 days today, two wholemeal pittas filled with prawns, lettuce, cucumber and a spoonful of sour cream mixed with mint in each, replacing the chocolate shake.

Snacks today were an apple and banana, and for dinner I made ginger, garlic and chili chicken and prawns, with wholegrain vermicilli, peppers and cucumber.
image

image

I don’t think I have ever had this much energy, but best of all, this much confidence in myself. I pointed out at the start I chose not to take any weight or measurements. I wanted to do this as a detox and kick start a whole new lifestyle. But also because I really struggle with body image. I realise now I’m way too hard on myself. If I found out today I’d only lost 2lbs (which could happen as everyone loses weight at a different pace), I would’ve focused on that in a negative way rather than acknowledge all the benefits I have achieved. So I didn’t set any weight or inchloss goals, my goal was to just stick to and complete it.

However, in hindsight I kind of regret this as I would say I must have lost around a stone.

I did weight watchers not long after having Jessica and I don’t think I felt the differences till around week 5 or 6 as I’m feeling after Clean 9. Some of my clothes are too big now (mainly tops), some fit better and some I never expected to wear this summer, fit. It’s mainly my waist and legs where I can feel the difference, and I noticed my face looks thinner too.

I’m loving how clear my skin is, and how much thicker and shinier my hair looks and feels.

The only exercise I’ve managed to fit in has been walking, apart from Clubbercise on friday, but thats down to not having the time or opportunity to do much else. I’m hoping to fit another clubbercise class in during the week, but it’s hard working it around the kids. But I’m exercising now and that’s the main thing.

My plan now is to keep with the healthy meals, with proper portion control, and no Milkyways or Crunchies to curb my chocolate cravings. They may be the lowest in calories, but I don’t need chocolate in my life now, except maybe christmas.

I will definitely do C9 again, I’m thinking probably january to start off 2016 how I mean to go on. But I think this time I will take note of weight and measurements.

I would say to anyone thinking of doing C9, to stop thinking and just do it. It’s well worth the money but only if you stay fully committed and stick with it, which you really need to do to see and feel the best results.

Surprisingly enough, I haven’t at any point felt hungry, or suffered any headaches, which I thought I would.

I would without a doubt say this has been lifestyle, if not life changing.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my C9 blogs. I decided before I started on the detox I would document and share each day, that way I knew I had to stick with it.

clean 9, forever living, general, health, lifestyle, wellbeing

C9 – Day 3

So today’s the day, the day I can have food, well a proper meal. The plan has now changed slightly meaning I now have a shake to add to breakfast AND lunch

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and the much welcomed and anticipated addition of a 600 cal meal to tea. I’m not sure if I’m more excited over this or the reduction in aloe gel from 8 cupfuls a day to only two.

I still haven’t experienced any hunger, only now but I think that’s more because dinner is prepared I’m just waiting for Andrew to finish what he’s doing to have it. I used Clean 9 meal suggestions I found online, and I’ve gone for chicken wholemeal wraps with peppers, onions, lettuce and a homemade salsa (which is just tomatoes I’ve boiled then peeled, mashed up, added chopped red onion and red wine vinegar), and sour cream.

I faced a big challenge tonight as Jessica had three friends come for tea. She wanted pizza and a tea party.

wpid-2015-06-24-19.54.34.jpg.jpeg

I had no temptation with the pizza, but the cakes, crisps, and chocolate biscuits I did. Well not temptation as such, I didn’t think once about eating any of them, but I imagined it. When the kids had finished eating there was loads left and Andrew ate the chocolate and lemon cupcakes, whilst reasurring me they weren’t very nice..

I definitely do have more energy, and my clothes are feeling loose after just two days. I’m looking forward to having an excuse to go clothes shopping soon. I feel and look so much less bloated. My skin is clearer,  I already do have pretty good skin, but I seem to have more colour to the extent it makes my usual foundation looks a bit dark.

So I’m liking the results so far, with every intention of doing the whole 9 days still. I do know one thing though, there is no way I could or would do a meal replacement diet of shakes long term. I’m planning my full days meals now for once I’ve finished this cleanse, and I’m sticking to it.

Ok, I think it’s time for dinner!!!