general, lifestyle, parenting

A little girl and her Random Act of Kindness

The most beautiful, heartwarming thing happened to me yesterday afternoon, so special that I know I need to share with the world.

I was walking through Whitley Bay town centre with my daughter Jessica yesterday, when I heard someone shout ‘Excuse me’, I turned around expecting someone to tell me I’d dropped something, or ask who my energy supplier is – the norm in my home town
But instead a young girl aged around 8 or 9 handed me a bunch of daffodils, a chocolate bunny and a note and said ‘These are for you’ completely thrown I asked ‘Oh my goodness, why’? and she replied ‘Because you’re special, and people need to be told they’re special. And we all need to be kind to each other. So these are off me and my Grandad’
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Completely gobsmacked and amazed by this kind gesture, I thanked her and told her she’s extremely kind and that makes her special too, and wandered home, abandoning what I had went out to do. I needed to get home and tell my son, and share the story on social media there and then, when full of emotion.
Reading over the note again, I saw the little girls, name is Cassidy. I have since found her parents on Facebook and my post has gone viral and full of compliments Cassidys mum and dad can read to her to let her know what a special little girl she is.
Of course I was not the only person to experience this amazing act of kindness yesterday, I have heard from at least five or six others too.  One my friend Jo who runs local homeless charity Making Winter Warmer and it’s great to see her on the receiving end of kindness for all the good work she does.
This little lady and her Grandad completely made my day, if not my year and I’ll keep the note forever and look at it every single time I feel I’m having a difficult day.
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On the note Cassidy states we need to be kind to others, and she’s right, we absolutely do, and as parents, we need to teach our children to do the same ❤
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anxiety, depression, excercise, general, health, health and fitness, lifestyle, mental health, wellbeing

Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

It is not often that we personally address something which we cannot physically see, but I can feel you, and I have been able to for as long as I can remember. You’re part of me and I dislike you as much as the lumps, bumps and flaws I’ve beaten myself up over for the longest time, which I can see. The lumps and bumps and flaws which aren’t even half as bad as you’ve had me believe. I was even convinced at one point in my life that I was too ugly to leave the house, so would spend my days in doors, hidden away from the world. But I wasn’t too ugly, I was too anxious.

I have periods where your toxic thoughts take over my mind and fill my soul with negative feelings and take away every bit of self-belief I have strived to gain. I have no photos of me holding my three children as babies, not one single photo.  No visual memories of days out or birthdays with their proud mum – until this year. I did not want to look at myself as I could not deal with the repulse I would feel, or have anyone else look at me and squirm. And I hate you for that.

You’ve stolen hours, days, weeks and months from me,  even a large part of my childhood where I struggled to make friends. The school days where I sat in my chair with my head down avoiding any kind of eye contact with the teacher during reading, filled with dread and fear that I would be asked to read aloud to the class. My heart pounding. My head spinning. Sitting knowing the answers to questions, but not daring to raise my hand for the fear, the absolute humiliation of being wrong.

University wasn’t easy either. Believing I wasn’t smart enough to be on the course and I was heading for a fail from day 1. Luckily, every single assignment I got back, proved you wrong. I graduated with a 2:2 which I worked so hard to get, and around being a single parent. I was good enough, and my confidence hit an all time high. I thought I’d beat you.

I hadn’t. You’ve been the most prominent part of my life for the last three or four years in particular. Where I have battled with you literally every, single day. You’ve made me tear myself up inside to the point where when asked what it is I don’t like about myself, I had a list. I hated everything from the colour of my hair to my overly bitten fingernails. You had messed with and taken over my mind to the extent that when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see what everyone else saw, but a horrific, distorted image. You made me want to hide away. So I did. I isolated myself. I couldn’t deal with the world of thinking people are pointing and laughing at me. Thinking that everything that came our of my mouth was just plain, insignificant rubbish. Convinced I’m unlikable, and undeserving of friendships, which I find incredibly hard to make and maintain.

Eventually I went for help. And it’s from that help I was given the ammunition to fight you. I was put in a position where I had to identify and talk about my positive qualities, and given the tools to challenge negative thoughts. I was given enough self-belief to realise I can be anything I want to be, and began to pursue my dream.

I’m fully aware of you now. I can feel how you flood my thoughts and infest my mood with dark paralysis and despair. You are literally a demon.

I’m now at a place where I’ve become completely mindful. I’m finally in tune with my body and emotions. I can feel you creeping up on me, and as recent as three weeks ago, you had me convinced yet again that I’m a failure. You drained me for days. All the tears, the effort of pretending I’m fine when around other people whilst forcing a smile. The listening to my husbands words of positivity but choosing to ignore them, makes me exhausted, and him frustrated. But just like any illness, I knew it would pass and just had to ride it out. You’ve gone now and yet again I’ve gained more strength. I’m winning.

So thank you anxiety, for giving me the courage to chase my dreams. I wouldn’t be writing this if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t be working my way towards a diploma in journalism, and I wouldn’t be taking care of myself and working out so much to release the natural endorphins which help to keep your evil thoughts at bay and act as a must needed distraction as I feel you creeping around me, smirking.

I’m taking back my life, anxiety, so next time you try to worm your way in, don’t worry, I’ve got this.

(Origionally Published on Cultnoise Magazine)